This is just a small ping, the drop of a tiny pebble into a cold pond. An ice ladder, a pair of shiny metallic socks, a layer of snow.
Every day is fresh, every day is awful, every day has children in it and somehow that makes the days livable. I ask prek-ers how they’re feeling today, pass a soft teddy bear around the circle, play with shadows and light on the wall. I invite a group of 4th graders to share the story of their names and then add a clapping rhythm, then eat a sumo orange. I blow my nose, bundle up, wander through the pinetum in the park, walking over Seneca Village, knowing what was displaced to make room for all this beauty.
I read my book about women painters, I cough really hard, then I think about art and paint and World War II and then I think about motherlands and wind and then I wonder how long it’s been since I laughed, really laughed hard which has been hard to do because of all the coughing and the fascism.
I sit across from a friend in a Palestinian restaurant, the smell of the wood fire wafting, the music bumping, the tables and my belly full. We ask one another how information is coming through and what is new. After dinner I go along with her on a quick co-op shopping trip — just like in New York City movies where the friends walk around the store together talking. Sometimes I hang back and hide from her, then appear around the other side of the aisle and say BOO and then laugh and laugh and cough.
After being outside for a while the tips of my toes are cold, my legs are cold, everything is damp. I am paying attention, then not paying attention, then paying close attention. I am aware. I am filled with gratitude that my apartment is always warm. It’s not even a thought, the warmth, it’s just built-in. The linoleum is peeling, pieces of it come up every so often and soon we’ll have to ask if it can be replaced, it’s been 16 years, after all, and when they do replace it, it’ll be with something slightly worse.
Sometimes it’s hard to dream past where things are.
Suggested reading:
Join a virtual Know Your Immigration Rights training - like this one happening tonight at 7pm!
recent observations, week 16 by
— including a call to donate to The Community Project who is raising emergency medical care for families in Gaza this week, with a modest goal of raising $2000. Donate here.“And then I get up, ready to fight for it all.” I’ve been reading Pam Houston since college — her words are always right on time.