My heart is stilled by the relentless news cycle. I find the time to buy myself a coffee and a cookie today and I eat half of the cookie and I drink half of the coffee and I send a voicenote to a friend, I can’t figure out how to write right now. I am blessed, too blessed really, and too stressed and also too stressed to feel blessed.
It’s 4:41pm and already dark out there. A ship bleats its horn, actual music in comparison to the MTA safety whistle that nearly shredded my eardrums on the train platform earlier. I clunk around in my boots today, all the way up to Harlem to meet some high school kids, all the way back to Brooklyn to brave Trader Joe’s to shop for regular groceries for my partner, holed up in our apartment with Covid.
I ask for help. It’s not easy. I graciously accept the offer of an empty apartment to sleep in, the girls and I attempting to avoid this round and (hopefully) test into eating dinner with my folks tomorrow.
Kale, arugula, bananas, berries, green veggies, yogurt, milk, pork chops, vitamin c, snackies. The list is like this. The list keeps going.
I keep walking 10,641 steps so far, heavy backpack, heavy bag. Comfortable couch, good neighbors, ticking clock, light switches that work. On/off. The little dial illuminates and turns up the heat whenever we’d like. The water turns on and off at my command. The fridge is full.
My heart still sinks. Eyes closed emoji. Thank you, thank you.
🎶
Blink, Mary Lattimore
New Blue Sun, André 3000
*Water Made Us, Jamila Woods
La Jour Nuit Et La Nuit Du Réel, Colleen
Sending long-distance hugs to you, Lauren! So sorry to hear Covid is visiting (again!), and hopeful that you will be able to enjoy time with your Mom and Dad today! Love you, honey, and am confident you will find the best way through this ~ always! XOXO
May you stay covid free and get to celebrate with your family. Times are hard, just living is hard work, and yet you manage to navigate and hold all of it.....reality, frustration, exhaustion, hope, gratitude and love. and it shows in your writing. Sending love. Pat Pearson