I picked up the crayons and began to color.
Before that I wrote the truth that’s true for all of us: my hands are very dry. Everything outside feels like an emergency. There is much birdsong (I have a theory that birds are in the beginning stages of a taking over), and relentless sirens, a slow exhale for each one that passes, wondering is this one coming or going. And I’m sorry for talking so much about the sirens. It’s just —
For the record, I am alright. Today was a fine day. We ate a great dinner. 80% Mark Bittman short ribs crock pot recipe, 15% Alison Roman/Xi’an Famous Foods-inspired salad, and 5% sushi rice. A consistent crowd-pleaser.
I want to note the good parts too. The girls are growing up before our eyes and we are here to see it. We have later bedtimes and longer hugs. When a fight breaks out, we have the capacity to co-parent our way to some kind of resolution. There is more time to sit with all of it.
In the morning meeting part of the distance learning day, M’s teacher asks the kids to shake their glitter jars (here’s an online version), taking deep breaths as the glitter settles to the bottom of the jar. The four of us sat in a circle, with M leading us. We sat until the glitter settled, seemingly longer than usual, maybe because the four of us were all sitting together this morning, and then, in the sweetest small voice, she closed out the moment. “Ok,” she said quietly. And we all began the day.